TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and
buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and
retire on the income.
ENRON/WORLDCOM/DYNERGY/VIVENDI UNIVERSAL/VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sell the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you
have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which
belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300
people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and
arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN AFGHANISTAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you can't touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were near a
children's hospital.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to
milk production, but use the money to buy weapons.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
A BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half and dies happy.
A EUROPEAN COMMUNITY CORPORATION
You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.
A FLORIDA
CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for
the black one.
Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the
best-looking cow.
A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
The Governor likes the ones with the big udders
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the
left is kind a cute....
