A major research institute has just announced the discovery of
the heaviest element yet known to science.
It has been tentatively named governmentium.
Governmentium has at least one neutron, 12 deputy neutrons, 75
assistant neutrons, and 224 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of at least 312.
These 312 or more atomic particles are surrounded by subatomic particles called
morons, which are in turn surrounded by a vast number of
other subatomic particles called peons.
Governmentium has a half-life of four years.
It does not normally decay, but instead grows by undergoing reorganization, in
which the neutron and/or some of the deputy neutrons, assistant
neutrons and deputy assistant neutrons exchange places, and some morons become
neutrons, deputies, assistants and/or assistant deputies, thus forming many
isodopes.
Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
It is primarily observable in that it functions to impede every reaction with
which it comes into contact.
In one observed instance a minute amount of governmentium caused areaction to
take over four days to complete, when it would normally
have taken less than a second.
Governmentium is difficult to distinguish from the element previously believed
to be the heaviest, administratium.
Administratium is very similar but has slightly less mass, each atom having
twice as many morons but only half as many peons.
Some scientists speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain concentration.
They refer to this hypocritical concentration as the critical morass.
They further speculate that governmentium, when catalyzed with a sufficient
quantity of revenue, radiates peons while accumulating
more morons, and thus decays to form administratium