"Normal folk believe that if a thing is not broken, don't fix
it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it could not possibly have enough
features ............ yet."
_______________________________
Two engineering students were walking along when one said,
"how can you afford such a lovely bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my
own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this very bike. She threw the
bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good call; the clothes probably would
not have fit."
_____________________________________________
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied,
"You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
_________________________________
There was an engineer who had an exceptionally gifted for
fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30
years, he retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with their most complicated
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work, but to no avail.
In desperation, they called on the retired, engineer who had solved so many of
their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge
machine.
At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on particular component of
the machine,
and stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for '20,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark '1 - knowing where to put it '19,999.
____________________________
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him."
"Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent and respectful for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my colleagues and see if
there's anything he can do for sight."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
___________________________
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
____________________
The difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build the weapons.
Civil Engineers build the targets.
_________________________
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to
the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll
stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't
you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now that's cool."
