THE TAXMAN COMETH
At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue.
While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'
Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'
'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'
'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.'
'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.
'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'
'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi...'What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.'
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A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, 'Do you have water?'
The Jewish man replied, 'I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only £5.00.
The Taliban shouted, 'idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!
' OK,' said the old Jewish man, 'it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that.. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need.
Shalom.'
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.
'Your brother won't let me in without a tie!'
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