Dogs Better Than Wives

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1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you

2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs

3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don’t hate it

4. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name

5. A dog’s disposition stays the same all month long

6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor

7. A dog’s parents never visit

8. Dogs do not hate their bodies

9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across

10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk

11. Dogs seldom outlive you

12. Dogs can’t talk

13. Dogs enjoy petting in public

14. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day

15. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk

16. Dogs like to go hunting

17. Another man will seldom steal your dog

18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you

19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died would you get another dog?”

20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free

21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away

22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert

23. A dog won’t hold out on you to get a new car

24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad; they just think it’s interesting

25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater

26. Dogs don’t let magazine articles guide their lives

27. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep

28. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck

29. Dogs are not allowed in Harrods or John Lewis

30. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half your stuff

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