Liverpool Humour


A Liverpool girl goes to the welfare office to register for child benefit.


“How many children?” asks the welfare officer.


“Ten” replies the Liverpool girl.


“Ten?” says the welfare worker.


“What are their names?”


“Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and Nathan.”


“Doesn’t that get confusing?”


“Naah…” says the Liverpool girl, “It’s great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout ‘Nathan yer dinner’s ready’ or ‘Nathan go to bed now!’ and they all do it.”


“What if you want to speak to one individually?” says the curious welfare worker.


“That’s easy,” says the Liverpool girl, “I just use their surnames.”




A Liverpool girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator. The man says: “Choose one from our range on the wall.”


She says, “I’ll take that red one.”


The man replies: “That’s a fire extinguisher.”



  1. What do you call a 27-year-old Liverpool girl?
  2. Granny.


  1. What do you call a Liverpool girl in a white tracksuit?
  2. The bride.


  1. What does a Liverpool girl use as protection during sex?
  2. A bus shelter.


  1. There are two Liverpool girls in a car without any music – who is driving?
  2. The policeman.


  1. What’s the most confusing day in Liverpool ?
  2. Father’s day.


  1. How do people know Jesus wasn’t born in Liverpool?
  2. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!


Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, ‘Mary, why didn’t you raise your hand?’


‘Because I’m not a Liverpool fan,’ she replied.


The teacher, still shocked, asked, ‘Well, if you are not a

Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?’


‘I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,’ Mary replied.


The teacher could not believe her ears. ‘Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea fan?’

‘Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan, so I’m a Chelsea fan too!’


‘Well,’ said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, ‘that is

no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan. You don’t have to be just like your parents all of the time… What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?’


‘Then,’ Mary smiled, ‘I’d be a Liverpool fan.’

Tell a friend Tell a friend