GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptise cats.
When your mum is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
Wrinkles don’t hurt.
Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Forget the health food. You need all the preservatives you can get.
When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, especially when nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
At age 4 success is not wetting your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 17 success is having a driver’s licence.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not wetting your pants.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE
You believe in Santa Claus.
You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
You are Santa Claus.
You look like Santa Claus.