Emotional Needs

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One evening last week my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, but she eventually says,”I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me. You’re not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”


She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”


I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.


We went out for a nice lunch and then went to shop at Harrods. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her that we’ll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.


Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.


I started to think that she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.


I think that I threw her a loop when I said, “That’s fine honey”.


She was almost reaching sexual satisfaction from all the excitement. Smiling with anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier”.


I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,”No honey, I don’t feel like it”.


Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled: “WHAT?”


I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD the stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”


And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”


Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

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