Young David was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, David, it's called intercourse .’
Little David said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids..
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't called intercourse.
It's called Bunk Beds.
And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.'
___________________________
WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.
A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!
Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.
They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run.
It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'
They don't say, 'Hurry up.'
Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear.
They can take their teeth and gums out.
Grandparents don't have to be smart.
They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'
When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.
They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA
LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''
GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!
It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.
________________________
GRAND PARENTS ANSWERING MACHINE
Good morning . . ...At present we are not at home but,
please Leave your message after you hear the beep.
beeeeeppp ...
If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.
If you need us to stay with the children, press 2
If you want to borrow the car, press 3
If you want us to wash your clothes and do your ironing, press 4
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5
If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6
If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7
If you want to come to eat here, press 8
If you need money, dial 9
If you are going to invite us to dinner or take us to the theatre, start talking, we are listening.
_____________________
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a
nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying,"We bet we can tell
exactly how old you are." The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."
One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and
underpants and we can tell your exact age."
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped
his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked,
"How in the world did you guess?" Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three
old ladies happily yelled in unison...
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
________________________
A grandson got lost at the shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed security guard and said,
"I've lost my Grandpa!"
the guard asked,
"What is his name?"
The child replied,
"Grandpa"
The guard smiled and then asked,
What's he like?"
The little mite hesitated for a long moment and then replied,
"5 year old malt whiskey and ladies with very long legs"
________________________
