"Do you want to make love?"
"No," she answered .
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes . "
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend . "
And then the fight started . . . .
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security .
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age .
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home .
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later .
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt' . So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair .
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application . When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office .She said, 'You should have dropped your trousers . You might have gotten Disability, too'
And then the fight started . . . . .
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage .
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour . The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day .
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed . I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible . '
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband Is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started . .
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table . My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend . I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many & years ago, and I hear she Hasn't been sober since . '
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started . . . . .
I rear-ended a car this morning .
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car .
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it . . . . He was a dwarf. He storm
ed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,'I AM NOT HAPPY'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started . . . . .
I took my wife to a restaurant . The waiter, for some reason, took my order first .
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please .
'He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself . '
And then the fight started . . . . .
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror .
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly . I really need you to pay me a compliment . '
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect . '
And then the fight started . . . . .
