Christmas Pudding

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To be sung by a powerful tenor to the tune of ‘Funiculi, Funicula!’ and after quite a lot of wine has been drunk by both audience and performer.




Alan Titchmarsh



To make a Christmas pudding you need patience

And lots of time

Chorus: And lots of time


The recipe is long and very ancient

With barley wine

Chorus: With barley wine


First, you take a basin and some muslin

To seal the top

Chorus: To seal the top


Once you start the mixing, it is tiring

You never stop

Chorus: You never stop


Grapes, sultanas, half a pound of plums,

Chopped bananas, nuts and lots of crumbs,

You stir it left, you stir it right,

You need to stay up half the night,

Taste the dish and make a wish

To keep your Christmas bright!


My mother bakes a pudding, it is tiny,

It’s very small

Chorus: It’s very small


My brother bakes a pudding, oh, cor blimey

It fills the hall

Chorus: It fills the hall


Granny takes her time and uses honey

It’s very thick

Chorus: It’s very thick


Sister’s is like slime and very runny

It makes you sick

Chorus: It makes you sick


Tame it, flame it, with whisky made with malt,

Suet, cruet, don’t forget the salt,

With milk and peel and eggs and spice

It’s bound to taste most awfully nice,

Deck’d with holly, very jolly,

It’s my Christmas vice.


Boil, it, broil it, cook it till it steams,

Coat it, float it on custards and on creams,

With lemon and lime and lots of time,

To make your recipe in rhyme,

Make it merry with a cherry,

Christmas pudding time. Oi!

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