No Sissy Nonsense

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Are you tired of those sissy ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.


You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card. Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.


  1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry soul who made you that way.


  1. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.


  1. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.


  1. When you get scared, I will tease you about it every chance I get afterwards.


  1. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.


  1. When you are confused, I will use little words.


  1. When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again.

I don’t want to get whatever you have.


  1. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy footsteps.


  1. This is my oath – I pledge it to the end. ‘Why?’ you may ask; ‘because you are my friend’.


Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.


Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel…

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