A serial drinker was down the pub with his mate having a great time.
After a few drinks too many he threw up all over himself and then said to his mate that his wife had told him she would leave him if he ever came home again in such a state.
His mate – quick as a flash – told him to stick £20 in the top pocket of his jacket and tell his wife that somebody else had thrown up all over him.
He was thrilled with that idea and had a few more drinks on the strength of such a strong alibi.
When the pub shut they decided to go and have a really good curry.
On arriving home late and considerably the worse for wear he was met at the door by his long suffering wife.
She said, ‘What on earth has happened?’
He told her not to worry and that a fellow in the pub had thrown up all over him, but had left him £20 in his top pocket for the dry cleaning bill.
His wife reached into his top pocket and said, ‘Why are there two £20 notes then?’
He said, ‘The second one is from the man who shat in my pants!’