Shop at Aldi

One day, at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I’d better see a doctor.” 

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Aldi. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs five quid. A lot quicker and cheaper than consulting a doctor.” 

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Aldi. 

He deposits five pounds and thecomputer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 

“You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Aldi” 

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. 

He mixed some tap water with a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure. 

Joe hurries back to Aldi’s, eager to check the results. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. 

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.

5. And If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. 

Thank you for shopping at Aldi. (Owned by smart arse Krauts)


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