A is for Apple, and B is for Boat,
That used to be right, but now it won’t float!
Age before Beauty is what we once said,
But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.
Now A’s for arthritis; B’s the bad back,
C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight — can’t read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure–wish it were low;
I for incisions with scars I can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L for libido — what happened to sex?
M is for memory … I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
Just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!
Q is for queasy: is it fatal or flu?
R for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T for Tinnitus — there are bells in my ears!
U is for urinary, big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo (that’s “dizzy,” you know).
W is for worry: NOW what’s going ’round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I’m left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have– in my mind;
I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed,
and I’ve kept twenty-six doctors fully employed.