The Pumpkin and the Police (a rude but funny anecdote)

Police work must have a modicum of entertainment as well as being dangerous.

Recently in Victoria, a female police officer arrested Patrick LAWRENCE, a 22 year old male, who was caught fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

 The next day, at the Horsham Court (Victoria , Australia), LAWRENCE was charged with lewd and lascivious Behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication. 

LAWRENCE explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session, he decided to stop. “You know how a pumpkin can be soft and squishy inside… Well, there was no one around for miles – or at least I thought there wasn’t anyone around…” he stated.

LAWRENCE went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. “I s’pose I was really into it, you know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, LAWRENCE failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience, until Senior Constable Brenda TAYLOR approached him.

‘It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,’ said Senior Constable TAYLOR. ‘I walked up to LAWRENCE – and he’s just banging away at this pumpkin…’ 

Senior Constable TAYLOR went on to describe what happened when she approached LAWRENCE … “I said ‘Excuse me sir, why are you having sex with a pumpkin?’”

“LAWRENCE froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there. But then he looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘A pumpkin? Christ! Is it midnight already?’” 

The court (and the magistrate) could not contain their mirth. 

The Geelong Post wrote an article describing this as “The best come-back line” ever.

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